Managing Toddler Temper Tantrums

Raising a child is a full- time job that requires your undivided attention right from the moment of their birth. However, what most people remain unaware of is that different stages of childhood development call for different parenting styles.

How you parent a toddler is not the same way you parent a teenager. For the purposes of this article, we shall be focusing on parenting toddlers effectively. Once your child is a toddler, he or she is in the second stage of development.

During this stage, they are still learning how to communicate. In other words, they are still developing their language skills. Hence, they are unable to communicate their needs and wants to the parent effectively. This is why they often resort to tantrums.

Even though toddlers temper tantrums can be terrible and annoying, hence the term “terrible twos”,  they are a part of a child’s developmental process. We as parents, have to learn how to handle a toddler temper tantrums. We are there to help our children navigate through this difficult period as they grow up; and assist them to learn the skills so they can master life’s tasks successful for during this process. Let us first start by defining what a toddler temper tantrum is.

Toddler Temper Tantrum Defined

A tantrum is often characterized by screaming, crying, falling on the ground, hitting, kicking and so forth. As previously mentioned, toddlers are still trying to develop their language and communication skills. Hence, they cannot communicate effectively. Tantrums are a way of communication on their end and are most common between the ages of 1-3. Temper tantrum is how they communicate that they are upset, or a particular need or want is not being met.

Toddler temper tantrums can continue well beyond their 3rd year. If this happens, your child may still be learning how to effectively communicate, as well as manage his emotions. Temper tantrums in older children, beyond the ages of three, can also be due to what is termed as a power struggle. This is because your child wants to experience a sense of autonomy, and more control over their surrounding environment. However, once they experience less control than they actually desire, they get frustrated and throw a temper tantrum.

Tips to manage toddler temper tantrums

Many parents dread the thought of going shopping with their toddlers. They can't enjoy an uninterrupted dinner at a restaurant. They avoid going to house parties for fear of embarrassing temper tantrums. Their babysitters keep quitting.

Keep in mind that children are not born to destroy the lives of parents. They want to be happy and please parents as much as you want them to. Here are some suggestions that might help. Toddlers tend to throw tantrums for different reasons. Hence, it is best to find the trigger of their outburst first, before dealing with it. And managing toddler temper tantrum actually start way before the tantrums occur.

Keep your child well fed and rested

Keep a consistent daily routine and schedule for meals, sleeping hours and nap time. Once they are well rested and fed, you are already halfway to victory. Try and learn your toddler’s limits, and when he or she is tired. It is not always necessary to force issues on them. Moreover, toddlers are often cranky when they are tired, hungry or sleepy. Let them rest, instead of having them engage in an activity that they don’t want to. Even us adults become irritable, cranky, and uncooperative when we are hungry, tired, and stressed. A tired child is more prone to tantrums, so offer some comfort and lull him to sleet. Try to lay down for a nap if possible with your toddler. If you are stressed and tired, your toddler can sense the tenseness in you, and that in turn can cause restlessness in your child.

Provide positive attention

As much as your toddler seeks autonomy, they still want your attention and help. Get in the habit of giving them the attention they need. Compliment your attention giving endeavors by praising your toddler whenever he or she does something good. By rewarding their good actions and behaviors, you reinforce what you want them to do more. In other words, you encourage them to continue behaving well. Schedule time to play with your toddler, read stories, and sing songs and sometimes just goof around together. Once your children are satisfied with having had enough of your attention, they are less likely to seek it in a destructive way.

A happy child is more cooperative

Involve your toddler in house chores. If you are doing dishes, lay a large bath towel on the kitchen floor, give you child a bucket of water, and let you toddler wash his/her play house dishes. Give your child a duster and let him/her follow you around and dust after you. Let them match socks and fold their underwear and little shirts and pants when you are folding laundry. If you are working in the garage, let them sit near you in a safe spot and get busy with their little plastic tool. Praise them for everything they do for you even if you have to redo everything they did later. They don't need to do a perfect job. It gives them a sense of being like Mommy or Daddy. You never know, they might actually learn a thing or two later.

Explanation vs. order

Avoid saying "Don't do this, don't do that". Kids like to do exactly what they are told not to. Instead, tell or show them the consequences of certain actions. Exe. If you do not want them to reach up and touch that glass vase on the table, tell them what happens if someone touches it and makes it fall. It can break and hurt them. Kids are smarter than we expect.

Positive reinforcement

Praise and reward with your child on good behaviors. Give a little treat for a good deed like spend some time play with your child together. Ignore minor things you don't like them to repeat. Stop firmly bad behaviors by diverting their attention to something else. If that does not work, a brief timeout can be applied. Explain clearly why they need to sit down quietly alone.

Behavioral Conditioning

Any demand made by screaming and crying should be ignored and your child needs to be told to stop immediately or they will be sent to their room till they calm down. The first couple of times, the crying may last for a while. Don't give in even if it breaks your heart to hear your child's deathlike misery. You would like to nip it from the bud. Once the crying stops, you need to reassure your child of your love and move on. Avoid spending too much time making up. That leads to further tantrums in return for your attention.

Let your child have some control

Let your child choose what she wants to do during playtime, instead of trying to control it. Even beyond playtime, involve her/him in a few things that need some decision making. However, keep in mind that you want them to have control over minor things, so they will be willing to let go of control when major decisions need to be made by you. For example, it is cold outside, and you are taking your toddler to the park. You would like your toddler to wear a warm jacket , thick and warm socks, a beanie, and mittens.  Your toddler does not want to wear any of the items. Instead of forcing your toddler to wear everything, let go the control on the socks, beanie, and the mittens, so you can get that warm jacket on the toddler. If she/he wants to wear socks of two different colors, and totally mismatched beanie and mittens, let her/him have control. Keep the big picture in mind, the goal is to keep her/him from getting cold.

Give wining alternatives for them to choose from

If your toddler dislike eating vegetables, give her/him two or three choices to pick from, instead of only one. So your toddler feels in control of what she/he can eat. If broccoli is her/his least favorable vegetable, you will have a struggle that leads to a tantrum if you insist on broccoli. Give your toddler choices of broccoli, green peas, or carrots. No matter what is chosen, you are a winner, and your toddler feels in control of the situation. If wearing tennis shoes are required for the trip to the park, present two pairs of tennis shoes for your toddler to choose from instead of demanding him/her to put on the one pair you picked out.

Keep The Toddle Distracted

Toddlers have a short attention span. Hence, they can easily forget something just as quickly as it caught their attention. If they were playing with something dangerous or harmful, quickly replace it with one of their favorite toys. By telling them “No” will sometimes leads to them wanting to do it more and throwing a tantrum when you pull them away from it. Some parents want to teach their children to follow the rules and be obedient, this might not be the right age to do so.

How To Deal With An Actual Temper Tantrum

Temper tantrums are inevitable and cannot always be avoided. So, what can a parent do to manage them effectively?

Withdraw Your Attention

When your toddler is throwing a tantrum, sometimes withdrawing your attention is the best thing to do. By giving him attention, you are simply reinforcing his behavior. Instead, ignore him until he is done with his temper tantrum and is ready to behave. Try to ignore undesirable behaviors so they do not get into the habits of using what they think will get you upset so you will yell at them, because negative attention is sometimes better than no attention.

Once they see that their tantrum isn’t getting them anywhere, they’ll stop. However, if the tantrum often involves self- harm, do not withdraw your attention. Instead, stay with them until they calm down.

Keep your cool

When a toddler loses it, we often tend to lose it too, or at least feel like it. In such situations, it’s necessary that you stay calm. Do not yell back, even if the toddler is yelling.

The goal is to calm him down, so you should speak in a soft and calm voice without compromising position. You are also modeling the appropriate behavior to your toddler.

Distract Your Toddler

As previously mentioned, toddlers have a short attention span. Hence, it is really easy to distract them from the initial cause of the tantrum. Always carry toys and other necessary distractions in your purse or bag for such occasions. Present the distraction with excited voice and enthusiasm to lull your toddler over.

Encourage Positive Behavior

Every parent’s nightmare is when their child throws a tantrum is a public area. Your child is on the floor, kicking and screaming at the top of her lungs. All the attention is on you. What do you do?

Take the toddler outside and stay there until he/she comes down. Having the toddler away from the scene that triggered the tantrum helps a lot.

When in public places, always have an incentive in place so that they can behave. For instance, always reward their good behavior after dining in a restaurant with ice-cream or even a movie. Offer him his favorite cookie after he finishes his vegetables.

When children live in a loving and nurturing environment with consistency, they are more secured and content. Parents might still experience the occasional fussiness and crying spells. But you shouldn’t have any fear of taking your toddlers to public places or dining out with your families and friends.